


The Only Way

by thought_criminal



Category: The Walking Dead - All Media Types
Genre: But also alive Beth, Depressed Daryl, F/M, Ghost Beth, POV Daryl, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, bethyl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2015-06-26
Packaged: 2018-03-15 00:27:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3431210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thought_criminal/pseuds/thought_criminal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beth’s gone, Daryl’s a mess, and no one knows how to deal with him. Daryl contemplates whether or not he wants to keep living. Someone makes a surprise appearance. Writing this was my catharsis after the awful things that happened during the MSF. People get their feelings out and we get some much needed closure. And maybe even a little something else…</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. After

Two weeks. It’d been two weeks since…I couldn’t even bring myself to say it. We didn’t even get to give her a proper burial. We ditched her in a car. Dumped her like she was a piece of trash. We meant to go back, but there was a herd, and no one wanted to waste the gas. Rick’d been worried about me, said I should eat more. But I figured, what’s the point; we’re all gonna die anyways. Maggie and I were never close before, at the prison. We still weren’t very close, but I felt bad for her. The only family she had left, gone, just like that. My own self-pity was overshadowed by my self-hatred, which I’d been dragging with me since the moment she got taken by the white-cross car.

Beth, _my_ Beth, was reduced to a memory. And it was all my fault. I spent days thinking of how I could’ve stopped it, but that usually left me a sobbing mess or in a fit of anger. I never used to cry, but now I seemed to be doing it all the time. Everything reminded me of her. Judith took her first wobbly steps a few days ago and I found myself looking over my shoulder to tell Beth the news. But she wasn’t there. I became useless around camp, just a shell of the man I used to be. I was going on runs for a while, but I had so many close calls that Rick stopped inviting me to come with him. That was worse, in a way, because there was nothing to distract me from the rot forming in my head. An unmistakeable dark cloud crept in around me. It reminded me of when Merle died, but somehow it was worse. I smiled bitterly; what type of person missed some girl over their own flesh and blood. But I did. I missed her so bad. I rarely slept, because when I did, all I saw was the bullet going through her head. I woke up in cold sweats, wishing I could say it was just a dream. Carol tried to help as much as she could but I got the sense that I was too much for her to deal with. No one had helped me as much as Beth, and no one ever would. I was starting to doubt that I would ever get out of the mess I was in. I was starting to wonder if living was worth it if I was going to spend the rest of my life feeling the way I did now.

 

Glenn was forcing small spoonfuls of food into Maggie’s downturned mouth. She was curled into him, her bloodshot eyes staring into the fire. I sat next to them, avoiding Rick’s stare from where he was sitting across the way. Michonne sat in between Rick and Carl, shoveling food into baby Judith’s mouth. Rick said my name, but I pretended not to hear. He said it again, louder. I slowly looked up at him. His eyebrows knitted in concern but I just shook my head, looking back into the fire. Maggie let out a frustrated noise, in between a sign and a growl, and pushed Glenn away from her.

“Please, I need to be alone.” Glenn nodded, and stood up, motioning for the rest of us to join him. I waited until Rick was out of the circle to stand up, not feeling like having a heart to heart with him at the moment. As much as he tried, even though he’d gone through the same thing with Lori, he was shit at comforting people. As I got up, Maggie spoke sharply. “Stay.” I looked at her, confused. Her eyes relaxed, and she spoke again, almost begging. “Please.” I looked around, then sighed and sat down where Glenn had been sitting. I avoided her sad eyes, looking back into the fire, hoping that maybe it’s heat could burn the memories of Beth away. “You loved her, didn’t you.” It was as much of a statement as a question, and it caught me off guard. I felt the breath catch in my throat. It was a question I had never really asked myself. Cared for, of course. I'd gotten closer to her in the few months we were together than I’d ever gotten to anyone. But love? Could that explain why I was taking this so hard? Back at the funeral home, before everything went wrong, I had felt something. I didn’t know what it was at the time, but thinking back on it…

“Yeah.” I looked at her, her face remained stoic. “Yeah, I guess I did.” I expected her to yell at me, blame me for letting it happen, but she didn't. I almost wished she would've. Instead of getting angry, she just nodded. Sighing, she leaned her head on my shoulder. I let it rest there, finding it somewhat comforting.

“You miss her?” She asked, her voice barely a whisper. I bit the inside of my cheek, willing myself not to cry in front of her.

“More than anythin’.” Maggie swallowed, a silent tear falling from her cheek onto my shoulder. She quickly wiped her eyes, retrieving something from her belt. She placed the object in my hand gingerly.

“I want you to have this.” She said, sniffing. “Ain’t doin’ me no good anyways.” She smiled that sad smile again and I looked down to see what it was. I felt my heart clench as I held Beth’s knife up to the light of the fire. I looked at Maggie, scared that if I said anything I would cry. She knew what her gesture meant to me, smiling halfheartedly while putting her hand on my knee and giving it a light squeeze. “It’s gettin’ late. I should go to bed.” She said as she got up, grabbing her canteen and walking in the direction that Glenn and the others had gone. I stayed for a while longer, holding Beth’s knife and reminiscing of our time together. I eventually stomped out the dull flame and walked back to face another sleepless night without her.


	2. Wait

“Please, Rick I haven’t done anythin’ for days it’s drivin’ me crazy.” 

Rick stood opposite me as I begged him to let me come on the run. He crossed his arms, glancing at Michonne for guidance. She shrugged. 

“Fine.” Rick said in a breath of defeat. I smiled gratefully. “We’re leavin’ now though, so come on.” 

I readjusted my crossbow and followed Rick and Michonne to the car. When we reached the small town, we did a quick sweep of a block, then hit each individual store. I wore Beth’s knife sheathed on my belt as a reminder of her. Not that I needed one, but it was somewhat comforting touching the same handle her tiny palms had once grasped. I helped Michonne take out a group of walkers, exerting more aggression than I needed to. Michonne shot a sideways glance at me, but didn’t say anything. She was good at holding her tongue. Michonne’s gaze moved from my face to just beyond my body. She strode towards the lone walker, unsheathing her katana. I turned around. When I saw the walker it felt like someone had punched me in the gut. Michonne was a good ten feet away, katana at the ready. 

“Wait!”

She turned back around to face me, but I was already running towards the walker, its blonde ponytail the only thing I was able to focus on. It didn’t even look up as I approached, too busy feasting on a recently fallen animal. I approached it, tears streaming down my face. I knew it wasn’t her, but the similarity made me want to throw up.

“I’m gonna get Rick,” Michonne said uneasily, slowly walking away from me. The walker finally looked up at me, unsteadily getting up and tripping over the abandoned animal. I didn’t even bother to back up. I gripped Beth’s knife tightly, using the back of my hand to wipe away my steady stream of tears. I pushed the walker back when it got too close, trying to will myself to sink the blade deep in its head. But its face, though it didn’t even slightly resemble Beth’s, kept morphing into hers, and I swear I heard the walker whisper my fucking name. I was going crazy and I knew it, but I didn’t care. The walker came back at me, but I didn’t even have the will to raise my hand. _Lord let me be with her, please let me see her again_. I closed my eyes and waited for the pain, but it didn’t come. A gunshot rang out, along with someone calling my name, for real this time. My eyes snapped open and I whirled around, almost angry at whoever had stopped me from seeing Beth. 

“Are you fuckin’ insane?” Rick almost yelled, storming towards me. “What, you’re just gonna let one of these things kill you? Huh?” Angry tears spilled out of my eyes. I wasn’t even ashamed of crying in front of him. 

“Why don’t you mind your own damn business, how ‘bout that?” I said, jabbing a finger into Rick’s chest. Michonne stood a few feet away, looking as if she was ready to break up a fist fight.

“Daryl, I know you’re feeling like hell but you can’t just—” I cut him off, laughing dryly.

“You don’t know _shit_.” I said, taking a step closer to him. Rick’s aggression faded, leaving him looking like a little boy. His eyes swelled with water and his voice broke as he tried to speak.

“Daryl you’re my brother.” I avoided his eyes. “I can’t lose you. Not like this.” I let him bring me into a bear hug, my tears wetting his shoulder. 

“I miss her so much, Rick.” I wept into the rough fabric of his jacket. 

“I know. I know you do.” Rick whispered into my hair. Michonne stepped forward, placing a hand on my back and leaning into Rick’s ear.

“We have to go.” 

I stepped back, wiping my eyes with my filthy sleeve. Michonne looked at me sympathetically, her steps falling in time with mine. Rick patted me on the back, asking Michonne to drive home. She obliged. The ride home was longer than the ride there, filled with Rick and Michonne’s small talk and awkward silences. I stared out the window, thinking about her. Barely a moment passed where I wasn’t thinking about her. 

“We’ve all lost people” It took me a moment to register that Rick was speaking to me. I turned around to face him. “It’s okay to feel this way.” I nodded absentmindedly and turned back to the window, my fingers toying with the handle of her knife.


	3. Protector

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger Warning for self-harm this chapter*

Rick kept an eye on me after that. I could hardly take a piss without him holding my hand. I was sleeping on the couch in a house we had found. Well, sleeping is a relative term. I insisted on keeping watch and, against his better judgment, Rick let me. I was sitting on the porch with a bottle of whiskey in one hand and Beth’s knife in the other. I took a gulp, wishing it was moonshine. Pretending Beth was sitting across from me, playing that stupid drinking game. I cringed, remembering how I’d yelled at her, dragged her out and used a walker for target practice. I could almost feel her arms around me again if I tried hard enough. A silent tear ran down my cheek. I wiped it away with a flick of my finger, scoffing at myself. What a pathetic excuse for a man. 

_You couldn’t protect her from them. You couldn’t protect anyone. Not Sofia, not Merle, not Hershel._

My life was a never-ending circle of losing people and I was sick of it. I stood up and started pacing in a desperate attempt to make my mind settle. The boards of the porch creaked under my shifting weight. I kept a firm grip on Beth’s knife. It had become my constant companion, a little piece of her, the only piece of her that was left. 

_Everything you ever wanted was in your grasp and you managed to fuck it up again._

Angry tears poked at the back of my eyes. I gulped down the rest of the whiskey, holding the empty bottle to my chest. 

_You had so many chances. And you didn’t take any of them. You’re a coward._

I yelled in frustration, smashing the bottle on the porch, not caring how many walkers it would draw. 

“SHUT UP,” I yelled at myself. “SHUT. UP.” I fell back against the wall of the house and sank down into a ball, letting my tears flow freely. “Shut up, shut up, shut up.” I kept whispering, rocking back and forth slightly. I opened my eyes, looking up at the night sky, then down at her knife. I pulled it out, noting how it glinted in the moonlight. I ran my finger across its edge, marveling at its sharpness. A single bead of blood formed on my fingertip. I watched it roll down my hand, down my wrist. My body was shaking in the aftermath of my breakdown but my head was clear, probably the clearest it’d been since the funeral home. 

_This is the only way._

Without a second thought I dug the blade into my forearm, dragging it down vertically. A sharp pain accompanied the blood spewing out of my wound, but it was nothing compared to what I had been feeling since she died. Beth was dead. _My_ Beth. This was how it had to be. The only way I could be at peace; with her. The blood pooled beside me and a chill began to creep up my extremities. Some time passed, though I wasn’t sure how long. My vision was hazy around the edges, but in the distance I saw a figure. She was small and blonde and my throat clenched at the sight of her. I knew who it was. She smiled at me as she got closer. She didn’t say anything, stepping up onto the porch, not taking her eyes off of me. 

“Beth,” I croaked out, my voice was hoarse from crying. She smiled and nodded, kneeling down in front of me. I tried to get up but she placed a hand on my shoulder, urging me not to. 

“Did you miss me?” She spoke finally, her voice like bells ringing out in the cool air. I tried to answer but I couldn’t form any words so I just nodded. She grabbed my hands gently, turning my left palm over and studying my wrist. I cleared my throat.

“Had to see you again, Beth.” A light wind whipped around us and my wound stung with the cold. Beth smiled sadly, turning my hand back the other way. "Remember," I started to say something but stopped. soaking up her presence like a starving man at a feast. Beth raised her eyebrows slightly, encouraging me to continue. "Remember" I repeated, "Back at the funeral home." Beth smiled, looking to the side like she was thinking real hard. "Before..." I didn't have to finish that part. She knew. I continued. "I need to tell you something." I held her hands tighter, as if she would slip away the moment I let go.

"What is it?" She asked, leaning in so she could hear me better.

"Never got to tell you," I couldn't meet her eyes. Shame clouded my face. Beth cocked her head, shooting me the same look she did whenever someone wasn't being straight with her.

"What," I looked back up at her, taking a deep breath.

"I think I love you," I said slowly, my shoulders tensing and then relaxing as I fought off tears. "I'm sorry," I sniffed. "I didn't tell you sooner." My voice cracked and I was crying again.

“It’s okay,” She said, her voice low. “I’m here now.” She brought my knuckles to her lips and kissed them gently. My mouth parted at the contact. She lingered there for a moment before she lowered my hand, still grasping it tightly. “I love you too.” She said with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. I breathed out, smiling as best as I could. The pool of blood next to me was growing bigger, soaking into my pants. I fought to keep my eyes open. I couldn’t leave, not now.

“Beth,” I said, my voice taking on a slightly frantic tone. She shushed me, and began to hum a tune I vaguely recognized. I heard a loud banging as I faded in and out of consciousness. Someone said my name, but I ignored them, not looking away from Beth. Her humming grew quieter as the person saying my name grew louder. She stood up, letting my hand fall to my side. I opened my mouth to tell her to stop but I couldn’t. She turned her back to me and began to walk away. I wanted to cry. Someone was shaking me, I saw them out of the corner of my eye, but I didn’t look away from Beth. She turned back to face me briefly, and said something that I couldn’t make out. She smiled one last time, and walked back into the forest. I cried out like a wounded animal, but she didn’t come back. The person was still saying my name, even louder now, and I was being picked up and moved inside. I heard the front door slam behind me before I succumbed to the darkness, letting it envelop me like an old friend. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the reads and kudos! Next chapter should be up in a few days. It will be really short though just a heads up. Please please leave reviews if you like what’s going on. Or if you don’t. Feedback is always good.


	4. Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to get up, I've been really busy with school and things. I'll try to post the next one soon!

Pain. My ears were ringing. I could barely breathe as I tried to sit up, tried to figure out where I was. I managed to prop myself up on my elbows, but I was immediately being ushered down, a strong, large hand on my shoulder.

“How’d I get here?” I asked frantically. My throat was dry and I was breathing heavily, trying to sit up again. “Where’s…” I trailed off, a look of complete bewilderment on my face. I felt like crying.

“You need to rest,” A voice I didn’t recognize said. “You’ve been through a lot.”

I looked around. I was in a bedroom I had never seen before, lying on a queen sized bed with white sheets. 

“Are you thirsty?” The voice asked. I looked up at him. He was wearing freshly washed clothes, something you didn’t see very often. I had too many questions to process so I just nodded, gratefully accepting the bottle he handed to me. He was quiet while I drank, observing me cautiously. I handed the empty bottle back to him almost sheepishly. He placed it on the nightstand and took a breath, as if deciding what to say. After another quiet moment, he spoke. “Do you remember your name?” He asked tentatively. I answered without hesitation.

“Beth.” 


	5. Heal

The dull, mid-morning light shone through the half-drawn curtains, casting a yellowish glow throughout the room. I rubbed the grogginess out of my eyes, propping myself up on my elbows, trying to get a better look at my surroundings. I cringed, jerking my left arm away from the mattress, the pressure creating a sharp, stinging sensation up and down my forearm. Before I had a chance to examine the source of the pain, I heard a light knock at the door. Rick entered the room, looking especially tired.

“How're you feeling?” He asked, approaching my bed and sitting down next to me. The mattress shifted under his weight.

“Like hell,” I replied, squinting up at him. Rick looked like he was trying to bite his tongue, disdain playing on his lips. “How’d I get here?” I asked, trying to sit up again. Rick’s eyes narrowed a little bit, as if he was waiting for me to remember. I paused, shaking my head after a moment, starting to feel annoyed at Rick's attitude. He finally nodded his head at my arm, offering no other explanation. I looked down, confused for a moment. A long, thick red scar ran down the length of my forearm. Everything came rushing back to me in a tidal wave of emotion. I felt my chest tighten, my heart starting to race. My eyes widened frantically.

“Beth,” I said, scrambling into a sitting position. “I saw Beth.” The corners of Rick’s mouth barely turned upwards.

“I wouldn’t doubt it.” He said plainly, trying to be discreet about moving his holster away from me. “You were almost gone when we found you.” I could feel the tension in the room, the contempt rolling off of Rick’s body in waves. His back was too rigid to be comfortable and he had crossed his arms. He tried to keep a neutral expression but his eyes were cold.

“You seem angry." Although I didn’t mean it to, it sounded accusatory. Rick looked like he was deciding whether or not to lie.

“You can’t,” Rick spoke in severed fragments of thoughts, “It’s not,” He took a deep breath, trying to sort things out in his head. “Look,” I raised my eyebrows expectantly. “I know she meant a lot to you but you can’t let her fuck you up like this.” I shook my head.

“You don’t get it, Rick.” I paused. Rick took the opportunity to speak.

“You’re right. I don’t.” He said, sighing loudly. “Don’t know if I ever will.” He got up, walking towards the door. Before he left he turned back. “Get some rest.” He said, his shoulders finally relaxing a little bit. I nodded. “You’ve been through a lot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry these past few chapter have been so short. The next one should be longer. We're halfway done though!


	6. New

I was back on my feet after a few days and we were moving on. Couldn’t stay in one place for too long nowadays. Things had been pretty awful since that night on the porch. Everyone was walking on eggshells around me, as if one word could make me snap. I had snapped a few times, actually. Once, at Carol, who had made me dinner and kept hovering around, waiting for me to talk about what happened. Another time, at Rick, when I realized he had hidden Beth’s knife. He eventually gave it back to me, with reluctance, but things weren’t the same. I was never alone anymore. Someone always managed to have an eye on me. I felt like a damn toddler at daycare and I was sick of it. 

We were sleeping on the floor of a barn; a step down from our last lodging, but a rampant thunderstorm had given us no other choice. It was nearly morning and everyone was exhausted from walking so long the previous day. I got up, trying to be quiet about getting my crossbow, figuring I would get a head-start on breakfast. I was almost at the door when I tripped over someone. Maggie sat up with a start, reaching for her gun. She let out a sigh of relief, realizing that I wasn’t a threat, and began to get up and walk towards me. I bowed my head, exhaling slowly while rolling my eyes. I was looking forward to finally having some time alone.

“Where are you off to?” She whispered so as not to wake anyone. She pocketed her gun, raising her eyebrows and crossing her arms while placing herself strategically between me and the door. I walked around her and opened the door, stepping outside. She followed me, closing the door behind her. I sighed, wishing she would’ve just stayed inside. “Listen,” She said, reaching out to grab my arm. I jerked away from her, trudging towards the forest. “Hey!” She called, running to catch up with me. “Listen!” She said again, darting in front of me and placing both hands on my shoulders. I stopped short and breathed in deeply, refusing to meet her eyes. “You need to get a grip.” The words that came out of her mouth were the complete opposite of what I was expecting and they caught me off guard. “Losing Beth has been hard for all of us. Just because you two were close, doesn’t give you a free pass to be an asshole to everyone.” The whole thing reminded me too much of the moonshine shack. Even though it was a different Greene in a different place, it was still unsettling, making me feel confused and angry. I clenched and unclenched my fists. Even though I knew she was right, it didn’t feel right to have her being the one talking to me like that, reenacting a scene that I’d played over and over in my head. I squeezed my eyes shut, clenching my jaw. I could feel the anger boiling inside of me. 

“You don’t get it.” I yelled suddenly. The floodgates had opened and there was no stopping what I was about to say. “She’d _dead_.” I spat. “And you can’t take five seconds out of your day to even be _sad_ about it.” I breathed heavily, shocking myself a little bit my bluntness. Maggie raised her eyebrows.

“How can you say that?” Her voice was low but her words were dripping with acid. “She was my _sister_.” My lips curled up into something that resembled a mix between a sneer and a snarl.

“Then why don’t you act like it?” I was yelling louder, but I couldn’t stop myself. “I never stopped lookin’ for her. You didn’t even start. You didn’t even _think_ about her.” I snapped at her, knowing it was a mistake as soon as the words had left my mouth, but still not backing down. “See, you don’t get to come in here and tell me how I should be feelin’.” I couldn’t help the spite that was flowing through my words. Maggie looked like I had slapped her. I might as well have. I wanted to apologize but I didn’t know how, so I sidestepped her and continued off into the forest. Maggie didn’t follow. 

I tried to concentrate on tracking but my mind was in other places. I shot at a squirrel and missed. I huffed in frustration, pulling a bent cigarette out of my pocket and fumbling with my lighter for a minute before it was lit. I leaned back against a tree that was in front of a small house. White picket fence. Reminded me of Beth. Everything reminded me of Beth. It was even worse now that I’d seen her. I traced my fingers over my healing scar, taking a long drag from my cigarette. I refused to keep the dressings Carol had put on it, wearing my scar like a medal. It was sick. _I_ was sick. But I needed to remember her. I couldn’t let myself forget what she had meant to me. 

Out of the corner of my eye I saw shuffling in the brush and backed into the coverage of the trees, not wanting to deal with any walkers. I put my cigarette out on the trunk, peering around the tree I was leaning on. I could see a head bobbing up and down near some bushes. But he wasn’t a walker. He was dressed in clothes that looked like they’d come straight out of The Gap and his hair was neatly combed. I leaned forward a little, trying to get a better look. A twig snapped under my feet and the man’s head shot up, looking straight at me. I cussed and began running, not looking back, not wanting another confrontation. I didn’t stop running until I reached the barn, stopping short a ways away from the clearing. Dozens of walkers were attacking the barn door. I cussed again, taking a step back, assessing the situation. I heard loud voices from inside. Something inside of me snapped into survival mode. I raised my crossbow, shooting at the dead until I ran out of bolts. Some turned my way but there were still too many to take on with a knife. I reached for my gun to find that it wasn’t there. I had left it in the barn. My stomach sank, but I shook my head, grabbing Beth’s knife and rushing at the nearest walker. The door was still blocked and I had a feeling no one knew I was out here fighting for them. A good number had me surrounded, one grabbing at my arm, another at my neck. I saw myself nearing the end, taking solace in the fact that I would die saving my family. Maybe it would be enough to redeem myself. But before the walkers had the chance to sink their teeth into my flesh, shots rang out. I threw myself down onto the ground for cover. Once the last walker fell, my savior walked up to me, reaching out his hand. I looking him up and down, taking it with a strong grasp. The man from before. He pulled me up and shook my hand. I nodded a thank you. 

“My name’s Aaron.” He said, withdrawing his hand. I narrowed my eyes slightly, not wanting to be too trusting. “I’m a friend.” 


	7. Promise

“How did I get here?” I asked, nibbling on a few stale crackers. Morgan, his name was, finished changing my bandages and sat back in a chair by my bed. 

“You were in a car I found. I thought you were dead, so I pulled you out. But you woke up. Scared the shit out of me.” I laughed. Morgan took a slow breath, standing up and walking to the window. The curtains were drawn, but he tugged on the edge a little to cover up a sliver of light that was shining through. He said it would help with my injuries. In that moment I realized that since I had been there, I hadn't seen the outside. I almost said something about it, beginning to sit up, but he rushed to my side, shaking his head. “Not yet.” I fought the urge to roll my eyes as I lay back down. He returned to his chair, looking at me as if I was an animal in a zoo. “Do you remember anything before then?” He asked, cautiously testing my boundaries. My smile faded and my face twisted into a troubled expression. “Is something wrong?” He asked, scooting his chair closer. My mouth opened and closed as I struggled to remember how I got into the car. I began to panic, realizing I had no recollection of the past few weeks. Morgan got the sense that I was scared and spoke. “Listen to me,” He said. His voice was calming, like honey was dripping off of his tongue. I nodded. “I need you to think really hard. Can you remember getting into a car?” I closed my eyes, scouring my brain for any memories. Flashes of something ran past my eyes and it was like everything snapped into place. I looked up at him, my eyes wide. The beginnings of a guarded smile played on his lips.

“Daryl.” I said, sitting up despite the pain in my head. Morgan didn’t try to stop me this time. “I need to find Daryl.”

 

 

“We were together for a while.” I pushed my dinner around on my plate. Morgan was sitting at the edge of my bed. “Everything else is kinda fuzzy. But I remember that. I thought maybe…” I paused, taking a breath, taking a moment to process what I was feeling. “Maybe we could’ve just stayed together. Maybe we didn’t have to look for the others.” Morgan kept a straight face, receptive to my ramblings. “Kinda screwed up isn’t it,” I laughed in spite of myself. “Just forgettin’ your family and runnin’ off with some guy.” Morgan spoke, cutting me off. I could tell that he was bothered by my self-criticism. 

“But he wasn’t just ‘some guy’, was he?” He was insightful. So much so that it almost bothered me. But he was right. 

“No. I guess he wasn’t.” Morgan nodded, chewing thoughtfully. “But I got taken someplace…someplace awful.” An involuntary chill ran through my body. Morgan sensed me tensing up and scooted closer, putting his hand on my leg. 

“We don’t need to talk about that. Tell me more about Daryl.” The combination of his voice and the thought of Daryl managed to calm me down enough to where I wasn’t shaking anymore. I nodded.

“Daryl…he’s a good person. Didn’t want to admit it to himself, but he was.” I smiled, reminiscing of our time together. We sat in silence for a moment, each in our own little world. My smile faded. “Oh God, Morgan.” I set my dinner on the nightstand, running my hands through my hair. “Oh God.” I began to cry. Morgan set his plate aside gingerly, walking around the bed so he was sitting next to me. I grabbed ahold of him, crying into his chest. “I miss him so much.” Morgan shushed me, holding the back of my head. 

“We’re gonna find him, okay?” I nodded, sniffing.

“Promise?” I looked up at him, eyes wide and wet.

“If it’s the last thing I do.” 


	8. Discover

It was hard accustoming to life in a civilized place. I almost missed the open road, even with the walkers. I missed being able to go about my business without someone breathing down my neck. The others seemed to be adjusting fine. They knew how to act in places like this. I resented them for it. 

To the others, things seemed normal enough. It had been so long since they had lived like this. Maybe that’s why they ignored some of the signs, wanting to believe that normalcy was still a possibility. But things had never been “normal” for me, and I kept my guard up, keeping a watchful eye on the civilians. There was something off about the place. I could feel it in my bones; a deep sense of unease that followed me wherever I went. 

Alexandria Safe Zone. A place that was actually “safe” wouldn’t need the word in its title. The people were puppets, acting out a sadistic play, trying to make everything seem perfect. Deanna, the head of the troupe, was probably the worst. She smiled at me, invited me to parties. Who the hell threw parties in the middle of a damn apocalypse. 

 

Everyone was either drunk or tipsy so I decided to take advantage of the moment and do a little snooping. Deanna’s house wasn’t that large. I figured I could be in and out in ten minutes. I made my way upstairs, trying to act casual. I scanned the room, making sure nobody was watching me, then slipped into the unlit hallway. The first door on my right led to a room that was completely empty. _Strange…_ I opened the closet, still nothing. _What’s the purpose of an empty room…_ I knew Deanna didn’t have any children but I figured she could’ve put it to some use. Trying to shake my sense of unease, I walked back out to the hallway, making sure my steps were light. The hallway seemed never-ending, and the darkness didn’t help. My eyes adjusted slowly as I checked another room. _Bathroom._ There was a lonely door at the end of the hallway, which I assumed led to the master bedroom. A floorboard creaked under my foot and I cursed silently. I opened the door slowly, peering into the room.

It was pretty normal, bed made, nothing out of place. I pursed my lips, hoping I would’ve found something to confirm my suspicions. I walked towards a thick book that was sitting on the dresser. It was bound in leather, but there was no title. I skimmed through the first few pages. It was handwritten, but the writing looked like it had been printed on the page. The book was written like a journal, chronicling the events of the day, each page a different day. I flipped forward, skimming through more pages. It was mostly monotonous, with the occasional death or food shortage. I was about to put it down when something caught my eye. My breathing became uneven. _It couldn’t be_. But there it was, sitting on the page before me plain as day. 

 

_My old friend Morgan arrived today, brought a girl named Beth with him. One of my men wanted her. Has a thing for blondes. But Morgan protects her. Says she’s like a daughter to him._

 

As far as I knew there was no blonde named Beth in Alexandria, and this entry didn’t seem too far back in the archive. 

I knew I was going crazy. Beth was dead. I saw her get shot with my own eyes. I tasted her blood on my lips.

But we never buried her, never even stopped to check her pulse. 

No. It was insane. She was shot in the head. 

But we left here right outside the hospital. She must’ve had friends there. 

I was fooling myself, I knew it. There was no way that she was alive. The whole thing must’ve been a huge coincidence. 

That’s what I told myself at least. I had been on the edge of losing it since I lost her. The scar on my arm only serving to further prove how much she meant to me. Whether I wanted to or not, I had decided that she was alive. Not because I wanted it, but because I needed it. I set the book back down and turned to leave, determined to get to the bottom of things.

“Doing some reading?” My stomach dropped as I saw Deanna standing in the doorway with two men I didn’t recognize. “Ought to be sneakier next time you try to snoop around my house.” She clicked her tongue. I broke into a sprint, charging at the men and socking one in the nose, the other one grabbed me but I kicked him in the knee. Deanna sighed, taking a step back and drawing a taser out of her belt. I froze, knowing there was no escape. But I had to tell the others. Had to talk to Maggie. _Beth could be alive and she could be here._ Before I could even take a step I was on the ground. 

 

I woke up on the floor of a room I didn’t recognize. It looked like a basement though, concrete walls and floors. I reached for Beth’s knife instinctively, but it was gone. I cussed under my breath. 

I stood up after a moment, still a little off-balance, and walked towards the only exit. The door was bolted shut but I pounded on it anyways. I could hear muffled voices from the other side. They began to get clearer and it became apparent that whoever it was was moving towards the door. I readied myself to attack. The person spoke.

“Step away from the door. Remember, we’re armed. You’re not. We won’t hesitate to kill you.” 

My shoulders slumped a little and I complied, pressing my back against the far wall. The door opened a crack and the man looked in. He closed the door behind him, but I didn’t hear it lock. “So, Sherlock Holmes,” He said, overconfident in his actions. His gun belt was unclipped and facing me. He leaned against the door, his arms crossed against his chest. “What’s your endgame.” I furrowed my eyebrows. He shifted his weight. “So you figured us out. Now what?” I narrowed my eyes, letting him talk, letting him get comfortable. “‘Cos you sure as shit ain’t gettin’ out of here.” He laughed. I took a step forward. 

“What are you people?” I asked, closing the distance between us slowly. 

“We’re like you. Just different.” He began to gnaw on his thumb before taking it out of his mouth to speak again. “We found your people a few weeks back. Followed you. Your women,” He paused, shaking his head and chuckling. “We took a liking to them. And your men are strong.” I cut him off.

“What’s that got to do with anything?” I asked, still walking towards him slowly. 

“See…we need people for this place to work. People of value.” I nodded slowly. “Nothin’ too crazy, but it’s our community. Our rules. And sometimes the men need a little somethin’ extra. And most of the time the women comply. Because they owe us. It all works out.” I was only a few feet away from him now. 

“You know a girl named Beth?” I asked. My stomach began to swirl while I awaited his answer. He narrowed his eyes.

“So what if I do…She your girlfriend or somethin’?”

“Or somethin’.” I retorted, my heart skipping a beat with the confirmation that she was alive. I angled my body so I was in a good position to grab his gun. He nodded. 

“I’ll keep that in mind next time I…need a little somethin’ extra.” He began to laugh. All I could see was red. The though of another man touching Beth made my skin crawl, made me crazy.

“You sick bastard,” I spat, clenching and unclenching my fists before lunging at him, grabbing at his gun. He yelled in what I assumed was surprise. I cocked the gun quickly, wasting no time shooting him in the head. He fell to the ground with a lifeless thud. “Good luck gettin’ it up _now_.” I muttered under my breath, advancing towards the door. 

“Davis, you alright in there?” A muffled voice spoke from the other side of the door. Before he had the chance to lock the door I kicked it with as much force as I could muster, sending the poor bastard pinwheeling back, eventually falling to the ground. I pointed my stolen gun at him and he raised his hands in a pitiful attempt to surrender. Shot to the leg so he wouldn’t chase after me. I didn’t want any more blood on my hands than was necessary. I emerged from the basement into an empty house on the far side of Alexandria. I walked outside, darting behind the houses. Everyone was sure to be on red alert now that someone knew about their ulterior motives. I was panting once I reached Rick’s house, the moonlight my only guide to the front porch. No lights were on as far as I could see. I darted up the stairs, making a left for Rick’s room. He was sleeping soundly, Michonne curled into his side. But I had to wake him. Had to get him out of here. My mind was made up when I walked into the room. I didn’t care how stupid or crazy I sounded. Beth, _my_ Beth, was alive.

“Rick.” I shook him. He sat up with a start, almost punching me before he realized who I was. Michonne, thank God, was a heavy sleeper who rolled to the other side of the bed without a sound. 

“What the hell, Daryl?” Rick relaxed, propping himself up with a pillow.

“Beth’s alive and she’s here. This place is bad we need to get out.” My voice was frantic and I’m sure I sounded like a lunatic but there was no time to spare. Someone would’ve heard those gunshots. Rick looked at me like I was absolutely insane.

“Daryl…” He pitied me. I could tell by his tone. He thought I had lost it again.

“It’s true!” I exclaimed, looking out the window for any signs of Deanna’s men. “It’s all in the book.” 

“Book?” Rick was beginning to get annoyed with me. “Daryl I think you need to go to bed.” And with that he turned over and pulled a pillow over his head. I shook him one more time, knowing he wasn’t going to discuss it with me anymore. I grunted in frustration, hoping maybe Maggie, who was sleeping in the next house over, would listen to me. It was her sister after all. I ran down the stairs and flung open the door. At least five guns were trained on me. I froze, knowing if I tried to run for it I would be dead meat. 

“Drop your weapon.” One of the men ordered. I glanced down at the stolen gun in my belt, reaching down slowly and letting it fall to the ground. Deanna emerged from the back of the group, smiling sadistically. She circled around me, stopping when she was directly behind me. “On your knees.” I sank to my knees, willing myself not to cry in front of these people. Willing myself not to think that I was probably going to die without _actually_ knowing whether or not Beth was really alive. I was struck from behind with something heavy and metal. I blacked out. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading. Don't forget to comment!


	9. Safe

 

_“I’m not gonna leave you!”_

_“Go out! Go up the road, I’ll meet you there. Go!”_

_I ran, ran as fast as I could. Fighting off walkers I ran up the road, waited where Daryl told me to. I should’ve heard it, should’ve seen the men with the police batons. I was too busy trying to keep myself alive._

_“Let me help you out there,” A sickly familiar voice spoke out into the night. A sharp pain in the back of my head, everything went black. I woke up in the trunk, struggled, screamed. They got out, roughed me up, put me back in. I passed out again. I should’ve done something._

 

I awoke with a start, cold sweat soaking my pillow. It was the same dream I’d been having for months, even in the hospital, but it never lost it’s impact. I lay on my back for a moment before getting out of bed, standing for the first time in what felt like months. I knew Morgan would be angry with me but I needed some fresh air. I walked on shaky legs to the window and peered out of the drawn curtains. The street was empty, no walker or man in sight. It must’ve been two or three in the morning. I was still trembling in the aftermath of my nightmare. 

Forget fresh air, I needed to find Morgan. I crept out of my room, my home for the past month, feeling like I was committing a crime. I was never a rule breaker, but I couldn’t be alone. Morgan would understand. 

I tiptoed around the house, one story, inspecting the two other bedrooms. One was filled with boxes and clutter. No Morgan. The other looked like Morgan’s room but the bed was empty, the sheets thrown to the side like he’d left in a hurry. I walked back out into the main living area. There was no sign of Morgan anywhere. I bit my lip, weighing the pros and cons of going outside. Wherever Morgan was, he couldn’t be too far. I refused to believe he would leave me alone like that. I knew I could handle myself with walkers, and there didn’t seem to be any roaming around when I had looked out earlier. I grabbed the poker from the fireplace and walked towards the front door. The street was oddly clean, no garbage or leaves floating around. I circled the house, adjusting my grip on the poker every time my palms got too sweaty. As I reached the back of the house I froze. The poker slipped out of my hands. 

We were walled in. 

The towering structure stretched as far as I could see. I blinked in confusion, my mouth falling open slightly. _What is this place?_

Before I had any time to process the situation I heard a loud crack followed by a dull thud. I forgot about the poker, rushing back around to the front of the house. A ways down I saw a group of men, dragging an unconscious man away. _Morgan?_ I stayed hidden, but followed them. It was too far to really make out any of the men, especially with the cloud coverage. 

I was lagging behind them, my head throbbing and my knees weak. The group turned a corner and I lost them for a little bit. I felt like I was wandering in circles until something caught my eye. A fire. I ran towards it. When I was close enough to make out the faces, I stopped short. Someone familiar was in the center, just coming to. But it wasn’t Morgan. 

“Daryl.” I spoke, my voice almost cracking. I didn’t know whether to cry or scream or laugh. So I just ran. I ignored the ache of my body and ran to him, yelling his name over and over. The men’s faces shot up and they took defensive poses, as if I would’ve been able to take them all on at once. Morgan stood next to a woman who was holding Daryl down. He pursed his lips, taking long strides towards me, grabbing my arm before I could reach Daryl. Daryl looked like he might cry, or puke, a sort of begging in his eyes that told me he wasn’t sure if he was dreaming. 

“You shouldn’t be here.” Morgan spoke harshly, trying to drag me away from the group. I yanked my arm away from his grasp with an animalistic viciousness that I didn’t know I had in me. Morgan stood back while I walked towards them. I stood a few feet away from Daryl as tears began to poke at the back of my eyes.

“Is it really you?” Daryl’s voice was strained, his mouth quivering. I nodded, smiling, a tear running down my cheek. But before I could say anything, the woman struck Daryl with the butt of her revolver. I screamed. Morgan grabbed me from behind before I could fling myself between the two of them.

“Shut up,” The woman spat in both of our general directions. She clutched the revolver in her hand, walking towards me slowly. I was hyperventilating, grabbing at Morgan’s arm, trying to get to Daryl. The woman moved closer to me, grabbing my chin, inspecting the bandages wrapped around my head. I tried to look around her, to see Daryl. “This doesn’t concern you, little girl.” Her voice was low, menacing. It was strange, out of place, coming from her mouth. She looked like she should’ve been baking cookies, or knitting. But Daddy always taught me don’t judge a book by it’s cover.

“Deanna…” Morgan spoke behind me, his tone a mix between a warning and a plea. They locked eyes, having a silent conversation. I was still panting when Deanna backed away, glaring at me before turning back to Daryl. _No, no, no._ She cocked her gun, raising it to Daryl’s temple. Daryl squeezed his eyes shut. “NO!” I screamed again, “You can’t do this. Please!” Morgan was having a difficult time holding me back. Deanna turned to face me, narrowing her eyes slightly. 

“He killed one of our men.” She nudged Daryl with her toe. Daryl growled, tried to lunge at her, but one of Deanna’s men restrained him. Deanna smirked. “Eye for an eye.” The woman turned her back on me and my heart began to race.

“Deanna, please.” Morgan’s voice was firm, but behind his stern face was desperation. I was shaking in his arms, clutching onto him. Because if I were to let go I would probably fall down.

“Morgan…” Deanna was aggravated.

“I’m sure we can work this out.” He pursed his lips. Deanna narrowed her eyes for a moment before letting out a frustrated sigh. 

“You _owe_ me. Big time.” I breathed out in relief, starting to cry again. Daryl was kneeling, slack jawed, just staring at me. But before I had the chance to do anything two men dragged him away. I began to scream again as Deanna and the rest of her men left. Morgan was still holding onto me, whispering “It’s going to be okay.” In my ear. I finally calmed down after a while and Morgan let me go, turning me around so he could get a good look at me. “You’ll be able to see him tomorrow.” He assured me. I nodded shakily, wiping my swollen eyes with my sleeve. “Come on now, let’s get you to bed.” I nodded again and followed him back to the house. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Together at last! And with only one chapter left...Don’t forget to comment. Any predictions for the ending? Questions? And, as always, thanks for reading.


	10. Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a bit longer to post. I was on holiday with family. Hope you enjoy the last chapter!

I couldn’t sleep, the reality that Beth was alive and well was too much for me to take in. I wanted, no, _needed_ to see her. They had a mattress in the new room, but I didn’t use it. It was still dark out when I heard the door open. I shot up like a bullet, almost vibrating with anxiety and apprehension. 

“Daryl,” Her voice was more of a whisper than anything else. The bandage that had been wrapped around her head last night was gone. Only a small reddish scar remained to show what she had gone through at that hospital. I breathed in shakily, pinching myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. She laughed even though she was starting to cry. She stood in the doorway for a few seconds, almost like she was nervous. Tears fell off of her cheeks and she ran. She ran to me, throwing herself into my arms. Something that sounded like a whimper escaped my mouth. She wrapped her arms around me, clutching onto the back of my neck, her whole body shaking. I grabbed her waist, still having a hard time believing that she was here. Her familiar scent, the tiny pressure of her hands at the nape of my neck, everything was so overwhelming. I began to cry into the delicate curve of her shoulder. We were a mess, sobbing into each other. She pulled away after a while, wiping her eyes on the back of her sleeve. She smiled at me when I wouldn’t let her go. I clutched onto her like my life depended on it, like if I let go she would disappear again. I sank to my knees, hands still firm on her waist, squeezing my eyes shut and pressing my forehead against her stomach. She sat down in front of me, grabbing onto my shoulders. She waited until I was looking at her to talk.

“I missed you, you know.” Her voice was scratchy, as if she had been crying for a while before this. I couldn’t find any words so I just nodded. She breathed in deeply, lying down next to me. I lay down slowly, staring at the ceiling, still praying for this to be real. Beth snuggled herself into my side, head resting on my chest. I felt my heart skip at the sudden contact. I wrapped one arm around her side and held the other to my chest. She interlaced her fingers with mine, sighing contently. I could tell she was eyeing the scar on my forearm, but she was kind enough not to say anything.

“I thought I’d lost you forever.” I confessed, wanting to draw her attention away from what I had done to myself in the aftermath of losing her. 

“I don’t want to talk about that,” Her voice was quiet but there was a strength behind it. I never brought it up again. We were silent for a moment, my hand on her back, her head on my chest. It was nice. It was how it should’ve been. 

She sat up so she was facing me. I almost asked her not to. 

“Wish I would’ve known you were here…” She looked nervous. I smiled, sitting up as well. I tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, letting my hand linger near her face for a moment too long. 

“Would’ve saved us a shit ton of trouble.”

She laughed, swatting me on the chest playfully. I laughed with her. As our laughter subsided we were left in silence, staring at each other, our faces a little too close. So close that I could feel her breath fanning out across my face. I reached up, grabbing her jaw lightly. Beth took a deep breath, grabbing my wrist and leaning into my palm. And I swear she looked more perfect in that moment than she ever had before. Without a second thought I did what I should’ve done so many times before. I leaned down, stopping just short of her lips, breathing heavily, wanting to remember every second. Beth hesitantly pressed her lips to mine. It was chaste but sweet. Plain but with months of unspoken words and repressed emotions behind it. She pulled away and I found myself reaching towards her, wanting more. But I knew not to push her. This was all so new, for both of us. It was better to take it slow. She leaned her forehead on mine, putting one hand on the back of my neck gingerly. 

“Daryl?” She asked, her eyes squeezed shut.

“Yeah?” I asked, taking her other hand in mine. She took a deep breath before she spoke.

“I think I love you.” I felt my heart skip in my chest and I opened my mouth to tell her that I had had the same realization after I thought she was gone. But before I could say anything, two men barged in, pointing guns at us.

“Time to go, Dixon.” I stood up slowly, raising my hands in surrender. My heart was beating like a hummingbird. Beth stood up next to me, clutching onto my arm. 

“What do you mean,” She asked, anxiety showing in her voice. 

“He ain’t gonna get off scot-free.” She shook her head. 

“I thought…” One of the men cut her off.

“Don’t matter what you _thought_ , girlie. We’re takin’ him whether you like it or not.” The two laughed. 

“Don’t talk to her like that.” I growled. Beth held onto my arm tighter. One of the men spat in my direction. 

“Come on then,”

  

I went without putting up a fight, knowing it wasn’t worth getting my ass beat again. But Beth was a different story. She was yelling at the men, hitting them with all of her might. Once we reached the gateway to Alexandria one of the men called for Morgan, who rushed over to restrain her. 

“Morgan, they’re tryin’ to take Daryl!” She yelled, out of breath. She pushed the hair out of her face, pointing at the two men.

“Beth…I’m sorry,” Morgan looked at her with true remorse. “I couldn’t do anything.” She shook her head, not ready to accept the fact that he couldn’t save me. She turned to me.

“I won’t let you leave me!” Her words brought back a disgusting sense of déjà vu. I was taken back to the funeral home, walkers at the door. _Go up the road_. I didn’t want to leave her. But I knew she would be safe here.

“I’ll be okay.” I grabbed her arm, looking into her eyes. “You go and see Maggie.” She shook her head, tears threatening to fall. 

“I can’t lose you again.” She grabbed onto my hand. I bit my tongue, willing myself not to cry in front of her.

“Beth, I love you. Don’t forget that.” She nodded, bringing my hand to her lips. I squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to let go. One of the men said something along the lines of That’s Enough, and began to drag me away towards the gate. Beth was crying silently, clutching onto Morgan as she watched me go. As I was about to walk through the barrier between humans and the dead, I turned back. One more look. She mouthed something. “We’ll be good.” I nodded solemnly, taking a deep breath and turning away. One of Deanna’s men handed me my crossbow. I took it, and didn’t look back.

 

 

It had been thirty minutes without her and it already felt like a lifetime. I tried to take solace in the fact that Beth was with her sister, and wouldn’t be harmed by the people in charge. But I was a selfish bastard, and I could only think about how much I missed her. I felt bad, but I didn’t miss the others. There had been a rift between us after the night I tried to kill myself. We tried to stitch our family back together, but I could tell that every time they looked at me they saw a different man than they had before. And nothing could ever change that. I trudged away from the Safe Zone, wondering what they would say happened to me.

 _He was on a run and got bit._ Or maybe, _He just ran away._

Rick would believe it, he would tell the others I went crazy, talking all sorts of nonsense in the middle of the night. And in no time, I would be just another memory. I stopped short as some rustling in the bushes behind me alerted me that I wasn’t alone. I loaded my crossbow and whipped around. Someone stumbled out of the brush, but it wasn’t a walker. 

“Beth?” I felt a flood of relief. “What the hell are you doin’ here?” I felt guilty for it, but I was so grateful to see her again. Guilty that I’d rather have her with me than know she was in a safe home.

“Didn’t think I’d let you leave alone, did you?” She asked quietly, a sad smile on her face. I was flooded with a joy that faded quickly as a bad feeling crept up my back. I could tell by her face that Beth was thinking it too.

“Your sister, she didn’t even get to see you. She doesn’t know you’re alive.” After I said it, I wished I hadn’t. Beth pursed her lips, blinking a few times.

“I know it sounds selfish,” Her voice caught as she tried to swallow the lump in her throat. “I know I should stay with her. But this is how it has to be.” 

“I can’t let you do this.” Although it killed me to say it, I couldn’t let her give up a chance at safety to stay with me. Beth tensed up with my words. “You have to go back.” I continued, finding it hard to meet her eyes.

“We can’t go back anymore.” She whispered. Her shoulders relaxed with a deep breath and a slight shrug. She walked towards me hesitantly, finally looking up at me when we were pressed flush against each other. She caught her lip in-between her teeth, holding onto my forearm and sliding her hand down to hold mine. “I don’t want to go back without you.” 

I practically melted into her touch, “Oh, Beth.” I whispered as I leaned my forehead against hers. She closed her eyes, rising on her toes to meet my lips. I brought my hand to the back of her head, my fingers tangled in her hair. I kept my eyes closed for a while after her lips had left mine, only to open when I had a somewhat troubling realization.

“Well…What now?” I almost laughed at myself.

She smiled at me, grabbing my hand and pulling me further into the woods. 

“Wanna get a drink?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading. I never thought that my little story would gain this much momentum! I originally wrote this as a one-shot but it kinda exploded into a story. And I’m so glad it did. I have a few things I’m working on right now. Hopefully some of those will get posted soon. Thanks again for all of your support through this emotionally draining journey. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.


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